You don't learn to hold your own by standing on guard but by attacking and getting well hammered yourself.

Woman's dearest delight is to wound Man's self-conceit though Man's dearest delight is to gratify hers.

While we ourselves are the living graves of murdered beasts, how can we expect any ideal conditions on this earth?

When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport: wlien the tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.

When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work.

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.

The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love.

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.

Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run.

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

Liquor is the chloroform which enables the poor man to endure the painful operation of living.

It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman despise him.

It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible and a man's to kip unmarried as long as he can.

If you go to heaven without being naturally qualified for it you will not enjoy it there.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Happiness and beauty are by-products. Folly is the direct pursuit of happiness and beauty.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

Englishmen never will be slaves they are free to do whatever the Government and public opinion allow them to do.

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

Caesar was a man of great common sense and good taste, meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.

Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.

An election is a moral horror as bad as a battle except for the blood a mud bath for every soul concerned in it.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.